The Bare Necessities

Working on projects means I spend a good part of my time planning and then trying to control outcomes to meet the plans. There always seems to be a Plan B at hand and often we end up on Plan C, my job is to control things to bring a project to conclusion in a timely manner without spending too much money. We like to be in control or at least to feel we are in control and yet every moment of our lives things are happening over which we have absolutely no control. Often I get frustrated but every now and again I remember since I have no control over this thing or another there is little point getting stressed over it.

I have no control over the weather. Therefore I have no control over whether I can fly from A to B according to my hoped for schedule, normally things work out within an hour or two of the plan, but we only have to watch the anger and chaos that builds up when suddenly an airport shuts down or reduces flights due to snow or winds or volcanic ash.

I am reminded of one of the prayers that was often read out in school assemblies and I believe attributed to St Francis of Assisi

Lord give me the courage to change the things I can change, the grace to accept the things I cannot change and the wisdom to know the difference.

I should have been arriving in the UK this morning, but on Saturday night with less than 12 hours before I headed to the airport I learnt all my flights through New York were cancelled as a sensible safety precaution in the face of hurricane strength winds heading up the US Eastern seaboard to NY. I thought maybe I could get diverted to London instead of Manchester thus avoiding NY but it seems many other people had that idea before me, so after an hour on the phone to the airline I learnt the earliest flight they could get me on even to London was Friday, 5 days later. I accepted it after all what else could I do and whilst I wasn't initially happy I realised spending another week in Managua with a room and a job and lots of friends around was most definitely better than being in queues for standby places day after day in Houston. Of course after several farewells people were surprised to see me but generally everyone seems pretty glad about it at this end.

So having packed or given almost everything away in anticipation of the grand departure I went to the supermarket across the road last night and bought what I deemed the bare essentials for the next 4 days, at least the bananas give a glimpse of healthiness to my choices.

The Bare Necessities

Thinking positive about leaving

Three full days to go and then I get on the plane out of Nicaragua. I'm sad to be leaving but in an endeavour to try and see some positives three have leapt out at me over the last week or so.

First it forces you to sort through all that STUFF you accumulate, especially when you have to whittle it down to three checked in bags (hoping they let me through with number 3 all be it paid for) and a maximum of one cubic meter of ship freight I won't be seeing for at least 3 months. I didn't think I had a lot of clothes until I started packing, I thought books would be my problem. Writing the packing lists of what is in each box or bag makes me realise just how much stuff I have. How did I keep thinking I didn't have enough socks? I have 30 pairs I discovered and my laundry is done 4 days a week!

Secondly and more fun than the stuff sorting is the fact that suddenly spending time with people becomes a priority. The fact you are leaving means both you and others suddenly try and make space in the diary to meet up. For example for more than a year now a couple at church and I have been making sporadic attempts to meet up for dinner and it has never worked out, once I heard I was leaving suddenly we were getting together for lunch on Sunday that very same week and chatting for more that three hours.

Monday's fine dining. Goodbye to friends.

Sunday brunch at my flat with friends in anticipation of my departure

This too seems to be one of the advantages of living out of your home country when you visit home because you are only there for a short period people are much more willing to find ways to accommodate meeting up since there isn't the option of leaving it for another week or another time when it'll fit in better. Doesn't always work of course, but it seems to be the general trend.

Finally people consciously start saying nice things about you and what they'll miss. Of course you hope they are being honest not just polite:-) It almost starts to feel like getting to eavesdrop on the nice things one hopes they will say at your funeral, only better - well maybe not better depending on what happens after death. I also find myself thinking what I will miss about those I take for granted around me every day.

Well more packing awaits.....

Dentist

When you know you are leaving several things that you have been postponing suddenly become priorities to get done, among those things are dentist and doctors appointment, after all with almost 5 years here I have found medical professionals I trust.


So probably to the surprise of my dentist I turned up for my six monthly check up and cleaning before the six months had elapsed. She knows I hate the visits to the dentist, I never used to but having left it 10 years without visiting as I moved from place to place it seems the enamel is not as strong as it was as a child, when I used to wonder why people were afraid of the dentist.Less enamel equals more discomfort in the cleaning, at least as far as I'm concerned. Since the husband and wife dental practice I attend worked for 10 years in the USA during the difficult years of the 1980's in Nicaragua they have the added advantage of speaking fluent English, particularly useful since my dental related vocabulary isn't as well developed as my sewage and engineering related vocabulary.

My dentist visit at the end of the day reminded me of another thing I like about being in Nicaragua. My dentist builds in extra time knowing she'll have to go slow and use less abrasive and quick techniques, break and talking time is built in. Each time I learn something new about them as people, admittedly there are certain moments when the two way element of a conversation is somewhat limited as some implement or other is thrust into your mouth. Since it was the last appointment on Friday there seemed no rush, no desire to shut up shop and be gone, we talked about politics both Nicaraguan and the riots that had broken out in England, about racial prejudice, about our tendency to be more fearful and risk-conscious as we get older and about moving countries.

As I left my dentist asked where I'll get my next check-up I replied that my hope was to wait till I come back to visit although whilst the treatment is cheaper than the UK if I have to add an airline ticket onto the costs it will be a very expensive dental check up! Nicaragua should do really well out of medical tourism being so relatively close to the very expensive US, but me I just like the fact that there is time to talk about more than just teeth, like older people tell us what visiting doctors in the UK was like before everything was governed by costs and targets. 

Making Friends

Although my flight is not yet booked I have almost exactly two weeks left in Nicaragua, before a brief stop in the UK and then off to Asia, the great unknown for me. I'm less of an emotional mess than I was just 7 days ago, but it still seems very odd to be leaving I thought I would have been here till January. Living abroad seems to involve a great deal more goodbyes than life in your homeland, partly because our stay is never really permanent and partly because many of your friends end up being other foreigners.

Over this last year it has felt like more of my foreign friends have left than usual either for good or for long periods away. Of course new people arrive too. Over the last few months I've got to know a recently arrived South African/US couple Jacques and Amanda who have joined our church. As I explained to them I approached them due to the South Africa link, if they'd been a 100% north American couple I'd probably have assumed it was the responsibility of the north American majority of the congregation to embrace them. It seems as the only British member I've assigned myself greeting the other "minorities". With so much change in the congregation this year lately I'd found myself of thinking of ways we can try to get to know one another better. Last Sunday was the biggest new attempt yet with our normal Sunday communion service being head down on Pochomil beach on the Pacific coast about an hour from Managua, followed by food, swimming and fun. It went well but felt a little odd that it also turned out to be the occasion for me advising friends I was leaving.

Communion on the Beach, Pochomil, Nicaragua

Lunch and fun after communion service at the beach

Saying goodbye to friends and then knowing the effort required to make new friends is the hardest thing about moving countries. I know the fact I will probably only be in Asia about 6 months and will be between two countries makes this task even harder, since I already know how seemingly unreasonable it is for someone to decide to invest in being friends with me when they'll barely get to know me before it will be time to say "Goodbye." I am trying to remind myself to heed the advice I've given to Jacques and Amanda as they try to get to know people at church, that unfortunately they have to take the first step.

Couldn't help smiling at Jacques observations on how difficult it can be making friends in a new country in their newsletter this month, something he's always thought was easy. Making friends by Jacques

London's Burning

This week the riots in the UK made front page news in Nicaragua La Prensa Spanish article on the riots so not only am I here looking at Nicaragua through outsider's eyes but I am starting to see my own country that way and starting to see how other's must be looking at us. Of course it may only be a few hundred or so people who have been looting or burning, but this is England, the world assumes a certain level of decorum, instead the photos look like they are coming out of one of the Middle Eastern countries in crisis. There our media said the protesters were fighting for democracy or were dismayed at the lack of opportunity for young people, there was outrage when the Egyptian government or dictatorship (depending who was writing) shut down Twitter and Blackberry to stop social communication to plan riots and yet it seems that's exactly what happened or was threatened with Blackberry in the UK.

Of course I am not justifying the burning of property and looting, nor equating the motives of the violence with the Arab Spring, although I'm a bit short of comments on my blog so maybe I should encourage the torrent of outraged comments that might produce! But it's a strange sensation to be associated with this country which is being covered for it's lawlessness. I'm used to people's media knowledge of the UK being limited to the royal family or celebrities. It's particularly odd to read the US comments on Yahoo, I'm always left wondering how wise it is to have a medium where people can say such outrageous things anonymously.

I am amused by the comments by Nicaraguan readers posted at the bottom of the London riots article.
Bartolo says: "So when is the NATO bombardment going to begin to defend the innocent civilians?
German's comment is more locally directed at La Prensa's constant criticism of the current Nicaraguan Sandinista government of saying "so now they are going to say these pyromaniacs (in London) are Sandinistas!"

A South African friend had also shared with me an article on a news parody website where the African Union would be meeting to decide if they should send peacekeeping troops in and they would be preparing aid packages for the poor effected families and condom supplies to prevent HIV spread in the disaster situation.

I am sure some people in the UK will be upset I am being so flippant but as an outsider it does look a bit arrogant that the UK government can decide to acknowledge a rebel, non-elected, non-democratic government and only a couple of weeks later have anarchy on our own streets.

And by the way who runs the country whilst all the English politicians are on holiday? Oh how foolish of me it was probably Rupert Murdoch anyway!

Cultural Autism

Just over a week ago I was approached about leaving Nicaragua to move for some months to a continent that I have never visited: Asia. All of a sudden the different levels of being an outsider struck me.

Here in Managua I am and always will be an outsider but after more than four years I am an outsider with some understanding. Obviously I know that my language skills have improved over time and I am no longer daunted by speaking Spanish, even if it continues to be flawed, I don’t plan my sentences in advance or worry if I’m not determining the topic of conversation as I’d struggle to follow, I readily answer the telephone the most challenging of communication interfaces in a foreign language.  To understand any other culture well I think it is essential you understand the language and not just the formal version but the local nuances:  my Nicaraguan Spanish is certainly not there yet. I simply take satisfaction that Nicaraguans who don’t know me and speak to me for the first time, at least don’t mistake me for a North American. However proficiency in the language alone does not guarantee an understanding of another culture and place or an ability to integrate well without a lot of effort. Often I only notice I have incorporated some small aspect into my life when another outsider comes to visit and  watch them react much as I did and I realise in that element I have changed the way I interact in Nicaragua. I have in mind to do some short blog posts on “Etiquette” a few comparisons of the way things are done in Nicaragua compared to the UK, we’ll see if they materialise on screen.

I still barely understand Nicaragua in a subconscious, almost effortless way which is how most of us understand our home cultures, but I do feel like to some extent it is a “known” and a “home”. I am writing this sat in Houston airport awaiting my flight back to Managua and I know if it weren’t for this possible change that I face in the coming weeks I would be about to slip easily back into my Nicaragua life as easily as I slip into my UK life when I return there to visit.

So if I put the demands of the new job aside and try not to think about the upheaval of leaving friends and colleagues in Nicaragua, the idea of spending time in Asia is interesting, even appealing, but it is also mentally exhausting. Although the work language in the Philippines would be English suddenly trying to be effective and make new relationships in a completely new culture and place is daunting. I noticed I have referred to being effective and making new relationships as two items but really they are one and the same without good relationships it is impossible to be effective, but that is a very difficult concept to truly accept and apply for performance orientated, Anglo-Saxon type cultures.

Our ability to make positive relationships depends on the details, often details we overlook and that no-one can explain to us as they are so deeply engrained it would be foolish to think any other well mannered/good person would fail to do this or know that this matters. How do you sensitively advise an outsider of an offence caused or a negative implication of an action without seeming to imply they are a bad person? And how as an outsider can we solicit that feedback in a way that allows others to advise us without judging us and without feeling a constant failure?

An extremely polite Guyanese friend came to live in my town in the UK for a number of months. On one occasion when we went to the public library together, I remember leaving and as Brits do I pushed the door open and walked through and then held the door slightly so my friend could take it from me rather than letting it bang in his face, he walked through but didn’t think to look behind and support the door for the next person. Now because I already knew this young man and that he was always extremely polite in Guyana, I was able to afterwards explain the normal British door protocol to him so as to avoid other people who didn’t know him deciding he was a bad-mannered, rude or ignorant foreigner, with the various racist tones some people add to that. Thinking about the incident afterwards and my years of living in Guyana I realised it was extremely difficult to think of any situation where I would have needed my British door cultural protocol, almost all public buildings and shops kept the doors open all the time during office hours mostly to give necessary ventilation. The only exceptions were buildings with air-conditioning (the bank) or for security reasons, in both these cases the door would be manned by a guard who opened and closed it. So it was only because I knew my friend and I knew Guyana that I avoided the inevitable, but wrong conclusion that my friend was rude.  And I should add even knowing this I didn’t always handle these cultural anomalies well.

Equally there is always the temptation as the outsider to judge others actions against your own cultural norms and infer meaning or intention which may or may not exist. It is a blur of misunderstanding in so many ways so the prospect of moving again to somewhere new is daunting. It is also probably worth bearing in mind we should be gentler in our assessments of outsiders in our own culture. Living outside your home culture(s) almost forces us into a state of cultural “autism”, a difficultly in reading all the small signs those around us understand.